Loyalty no longer a virtue

I just got back from an overseas leadership camp with some student leaders.

After four days of jungle trekking, river crossing, flying foxing, white water rafting, even squeezing time for some waterfall diving, snake hunting, jungle cooking, an orang asli village visit and a football game with the locals, I am really knackered. Emotionally, I've come back with mixed feelings. On a personal level, I've returned to some serious load of crap. But more of that later.

I was at the camp to facilitate the students' team bonding, leadership development as well as help them challenge the process, when faced with obstacles.

Today, after our return to Singapore, some of us stayed behind to chat awhile.

Overall, I think the students were splendid during the camp. They showed that they were made of sturdy stuff. They overcame their fear of heights, of leeches and snakes, also water phobia, even apiphobia (fear of bees). Several extremely shy ones overcame their fear to speak up, and blossomed in the process. Each day was an early morning rise, but a long long day that stretched beyond 11pm with mental games, journaling and post-activity discussions. They were always game. Full of energy and expectation at the start of every new day, and still buzzing when we said our good nights. On the last day, they presented on 'lessons learnt' accompanied by a MovieMaker photo montage. They were humbled, they said, learnt much, bonded a lot and discovered themselves.

True, it was an adventure camp, but each adventure was laced with the five known practices of the Leadership Challenge.

Our leaders often say today's youths may have the IQ, but they lack EQ and the AQ or adversity quotient. They are the new generation who live life in comfort, have never faced a real crisis, generally apathetic and take things for granted. Another oft-heard gripe: kids today don't think out of the box, having being schooled in Singapore's rigid education system that undervalues freedom of thought and expression.

Well, during the camp, I found all these to be proven wrong. The camp was tough physically and mentally. It was one of those camps in remote, hard-to-get places. They were given basic bunk beds. No hot shower. And during our mental challenges, the students were forced to search for, and found out-of-the-box solutions. By and large, they rose to the occasion.

So I'm supposed to be pleased, no?
Not quite.

Just before we said our goodbyes today, two particular threads of discussion left me with a bitter aftertaste.

The first: one student said 'leadership' and 'discipline' don't go together. There are just too many rules. For students like him to flourish, he should be allowed to break, at least bend the rules. This discussion thread was triggered by my chiding some students for their lack of time-keeping skills. Others were often made to wait for them. That's poor discipline, I maintained. He reasoned that rules are meant to be broken, including punctuality rules. I beg to differ.

His thoughts were somehow reflected by another student. She told me, she'd fly the coop once she gets the chance to do so. Singapore's not for me, she said. Too rigid. Too expensive to live in. Too cluttered. Too many rules. After taking all she can from the system here, she'd leave. Loyalty's obviously not a virtue to her.

What gives?
Whatever's happened to the age-old virtue of loyalty? You tell me.

On a personal level, I found that loyalty in a relationship is also hogwash to some people. Baloney. A load of crap. Marriage an eternal, sacred bond? Bah... Loyalty is losing its value these days. Rubbished. Personal gratification rules the day. Sad.